The First Time...

A big bad world it is, they say. You made me feel otherwise.

I look into your eyes, " Tell me, when did you see me for the first time?" He smiles with the twinkle in his eyes, the twinkle that makes my stomach flip,my hands go cold and my heart go crazy. His gaze makes me feel warm and content, satisfied with all I have.

Once upon a long time ago, he says, we were 17. We were at school; I was with my bunch of friends at the back. That's when I saw you, you never noticed me. I knew he was teasing me. I knew it took him a lot of guts to walk up to me in Biology class to ask for a pencil. He would take the table next to me in Chemistry lab and break test-tubes because he was too busy looking at me. He was the guy who took up French, just so he could look at me some more.

I turned you down, the first time you asked me out. I even remember the date...it was the 30th of June, 2004. I didn't know that you were crazy about me. I still remember your face, you were devastated. Everyone knew you practically stalked me, how madly in love you were.... No one told me that, they wanted me to figure it out myself.

It was Nicole who pushed me, asked me to give you a chance. Till date, I think that was the best piece of advise she gave me. Little did I know, that you would be the love of my life.

We met on the 1st of July,a rainy day, when Mumbai was flooding and transport was at a standstill. I reached there half an hour late and you weren't there. I must have contemplated going home, I thought I had been stood up. But you didn't...you arrived fashionably late (one hour of waiting in the rain).

He was wearing three quarter pants and a T-shirt on our first date. We walked into a crowded Mcdonalds( the new hangout those days)and into a table meant for two. Little did we realize, that the roof was leaky...I wasn't hungry I said. I lied that day.. I was too scared, it was the first time I was alone with a guy. You got yourself a Strawberry Milkshake and Fries :)

The fries were meant for me, but you landed up eating them anyways. I had nothing to complain about....you talked about school, music and everything you could come up with. All I could do is smile...you told me that you were as scared as I was.
Telling me this years after being a couple??REALLY??? It was one of those goofy things that you did, it is something I adore about you, till date.

You also told me that you would find excuses to call me or find ways to sit around and look at me studying in the library. I wish I knew it back then, I would have found a way to reciprocate.

10th of September, 2004, I decided i wanted to be with you after all. I can still remember the first time you held me. It was 4pm on a sunny day with a gentle breeze on Juhu beach. It was my birthday...

10th September, 2010. I am in Boston and you are in London. You didn't bother to call me or wish me on my Birthday. I am alone in a strange country and all I seem to think of; is the way u held me...the look in your eyes and the years we spent together. We didn't even meet before we parted ways, the end was nightmarish. The journey was something I revive everyday.

I take the blame for all those months that you suffered in silent agony. But it wasn't something I hoped for you.It is something I hope to forget, but I am unable to.

Today, I am not ashamed to say that I still love you and that I always will. No matter how many times Social networking sites you block me from or yell at me; I will always feel the same way about you.

You made me who I am today, I give you full credit for that. I have everything I need in my life...but Happiness is truly what I don't have. I crave for the days that I had you, when my life was full of joy and nothing mattered really.

I just pray that you are happy wherever you will be in life and be blessed with all that you need. I love you.

People tell me that you weren't good enough for me...but that ain't true.